How Michelle Obama could shape Meghan's future

Since a secret liaison in London in 2018, the former First Lady has become a champion and friend to Meghan
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There is no prescribed path. That is what Michelle Obama told Meghan Markle last summer when they met for a lunch of chicken tacos in London to talk about Meghan’s plans for her guest-edited Vogue magazine, having first been introduced at the Southbank Centre in December 2018. In a little over a year they have become close, and when the Sussexes announced they were stepping back as senior royals this month Michelle sent Meghan a supportive message.

Meghan’s best friend, the stylist Jessica Mulroney, has been cited as her role model. But actually it’s Michelle who understands Meghan and her unprecedented position best, saying: “Like me, Meghan probably never dreamt she’d have a life like this and the pressure you feel can sometimes feel like a lot.”

Meghan has long admired Michelle — the former First Lady’s experience resonates with her. They have both questioned the scrutiny that their husbands’ jobs bring and are trying to use their platforms to carve out progressive roles in the world. It is Michelle who has given Meghan confidence and a blueprint as she and Prince Harry make their historic break from the Royal Family. Here’s everything you need to know about the M&M alliance — and how it could be the making of Meghan.

Meeting of minds

Meghan and Michelle first met at the Southbank Centre in December 2018. Michelle was giving a sold-out talk about her memoir Becoming, a remarkably honest manual for modern women, and at the last minute Meghan asked if she could come. She was smuggled into a box at the Royal Festival Hall to watch Michelle be interviewed by author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and watched unnoticed. Afterwards they had a stealth private meeting and hit it off. Meghan was four months pregnant with Archie and Michelle talked to her about her own daughters. They bonded over their shared interest in girls’ education and empowering women all over the world. The adoration is mutual. Michelle has called Meghan: “A thoughtful leader who is breaking the mould and making our world better for it… she is an inspiration to so many.”

Meghan was delighted to get a text from Michelle on her first US Mother’s Day reading: ‘Savour it all’

Their husbands laid the groundwork: Harry had wanted to invite the Obamas to the royal wedding in May 2018, but eventually they decided no world leaders were allowed. Harry and Barry go way back, but they first became close in Washington DC in October 2015. The following year they had a second date in London at a dinner hosted by Prince William and Kate. A meeting at Harry’s Invictus games cemented the bromance. Their chemistry was clear when Harry interviewed Barack on Radio 4’s Today programme when the Prince was guest-editing, even if Barack wasn’t quite ready to talk boxers vs. briefs with Harry. Crucially though, Barack said he preferred Meghan’s show Suits to law drama The Good Wife. Diplomatic.

At the White House 9th May 2013
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Megflix

What do you do when you’re a person with influence and connections but no longer have your official channels? The Obamas have paved the way on this. You sign a Netflix deal and reach more than 148 million subscribers worldwide. There are discussions about the Sussexes following in the footsteps of the Obamas, who sealed a deal with the entertainment juggernaut in 2018 to make “scripted series, unscripted series, docu-series, documentaries and features” investigating topics the former President and First Lady had addressed during his eight years in office.

Kensington Palace 22nd March 2014
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Their lack of production experience didn’t bother Netflix chief content officer Ted Sarandos, who said: “They are among the world’s most respected highly recognised public figures and are uniquely positioned to discover and highlight stories of people who make a difference in their communities and strive to change the world for the better.” His wife, Nicole Avant, served as ambassador to the Bahamas during Obama’s presidency.

Sarandos was right to take a punt — their film American Factory has been nominated for an Oscar. When asked if the same logic applies to the Sussexes, he said: “Who wouldn’t be interested?” Harry is already working on a six-part series about mental health with Oprah Winfrey for Netflix rival Apple TV+. And there are the Disney voiceovers being mooted for Meghan. But relations with Netflix are still strong.

Virginia 28th October 2015
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The Special Relationships

Meghan acknowledges she isn’t alone in relating to Michelle — after all, Becoming has sold more than 10 million copies because people are drawn to what Meghan calls Michelle’s “endearingly frank, down-to-earth personality”. But there are areas where Michelle’s experience is notably relevant to Meghan.

Michelle says she “didn’t think it was a great idea for Barack to run for office; he would be required to be away from home and he was too earnest, too full of valiant plans to be a politician… there were better ways for a good person to have an impact”. The Sussexes also feel they can do more independently.

And Meghan knows that, as Michelle says, “trying to meld two lives forever is hard”. Michelle said of marriage to Barack: “You’ve got to have a lot of compromise and a lot of work. There are going to be huge chunks of time where you just want to push him out of a window.” They debriefed on this at their second meeting, to discuss Vogue.

Orlando, Florida 8th May 2016

The mates

It is said that Prince Harry has drifted away from his old friends. Instead, he and Meghan are part of a set that overlaps with the Obamas. They both go on holiday with George and Amal Clooney, who were at their wedding, and Serena Williams is a mutual mate.

Despite this month’s drama, the Queen remains on Meghan’s side, saying in a statement last week that she was “particularly proud of how Meghan has so quickly become one of the family”. Michelle also has experience of testing royal protocol, albeit on a less serious level.

When she met the Queen at Windsor Castle in 2009 she “had all this protocol buzzing in my head and I was like ‘Don’t trip down the stairs and don’t touch anybody, whatever you do’”.

She charmed the Queen — Michelle says they discovered they were both “tired ladies oppressed by our shoes” then, contrary to all the rules, Michelle reached out and hugged her. The Obamas respect the royals and Barack has always felt fond of the Queen. Michelle says “she reminds him of his no-nonsense grandmother, Toot”.

Michelle respects the Queen’s “efficiency, forged by necessity of a lifetime in the public eye”. However, Michelle also understands the need to swerve away from the norm, which Meghan appreciates.

The Invictus Games 29th September 2017

The messages

Meghan and Michelle have moved beyond secret meetings brokered in back rooms at the Southbank Centre. They text regularly. On her first US Mother’s Day with Archie in May last year, Meghan was delighted to receive a text from Michelle. It read: “Savour it all”.

In the Vogue interview Michelle expanded, saying: “Being a mother has been a masterclass in letting go. Try as we might, there’s only so much we can control. And, boy, have I tried, especially at first. As mothers, we just don’t want anything or anyone to hurt our babies.” The advice Michelle told Meghan she gives her daughters applies to Meghan as well. She recommends not “checking the boxes you are supposed to check”, and listening to your intuition to find a path that best fits who you are. A path that doesn’t involve being part of the Royal Family in the UK, for example. In return, Meghan sends pictures. On a trip to Cape Town in September she took a snap of herself with women from the charity Girls Opportunity Alliance for Michelle, who liked it so much she put it on her Instagram.

Michelle Obama - style file

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The style

Both women know what they wear is shorthand for what they stand for — they speak about the importance of sustainable fashion, and support smaller designers. Markle wears coats from Canadian brand Sentaler while Michelle wore Jason Wu when he had just started his label, for her husband’s inauguration.

Their stylists are more like friends and pre-date their lives in the public eye — and their relationships with their husbands. Michelle relies on former dancer Meredith Koop, who she met when Koop worked at her favourite shop, Ikram in Chicago, while Meghan looks to her friends Misha Nonoo and Mulroney.

Elizabeth Holmes, who runs style blog So Many Thoughts, has observed their husbands have similar styles too, favouring linen suits that make them look pulled together yet relaxed. There is crossover in the designers M and M favour. When Michelle came to speak at Elizabeth Garrett Anderson School in Islington she wore a matching blue shirt, belt and cropped trousers all designed by Clare Waight Keller for Givenchy. Waight Keller is of course the woman who designed Meghan’s wedding dress.